Self introduction
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Isaac Tan and I am writing this letter as a self-introduction to you. I am a graduate of Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in mechanical engineering and a minor in business management. My interest in engineering started back in secondary school where I took design and technology as a subject. The process of bringing an idea from paper to reality in the workshop was challenging but definitely rewarding. The experience was what encouraged me to pursue my studies in the engineering field. Today, I am a year 1 student at SIT mechanical engineering.
Apart from student life, I play a lot of sports growing up. I may not look like it but I am actually an athlete in a team sport called Tchoukball for 11 years since the early age of 12. I have represented schools, clubs, and even on the national stage on multiple occasions. Sports have definitely helped me cope with stress as a student and taught me values such as teamwork and perseverance which are applicable outside of the court.
In terms of communicating, one of my strengths is that I have no issue speaking to a group or a crowd. Having experienced working at an F&B establishment for 4 years, I was often pushed out of my comfort zone to approach customers to help promote and push items to make sales. A weakness I have would be critical writing. I often find myself having difficulties putting my thoughts into written form and often rely on external applications such as Grammarly to assist my writing for reports and emails. I definitely see this as a weakness especially earlier this year when I applied for university and was required to write up personal statements to support my application. It took me days to write up my statements and I even asked for a lot of feedback from friends before submitting the application.
My goals for this module are to improve my writing skills. Additionally, as I am often unsure of my work and rely on other people being there to vet for me, I hope to come out as a more confident writer as well.
Best Regards,
Isaac Tan
Hi Isaac, I'm Aziera one of your classmates. After reading through you letter, I did not find any major issue except for some sentence structure which was rather long.
ReplyDeleteSome sentences of yours can be shorten. Example for your..
Para 1 : Here got a bit of Run-on sentence
& Comma splice. Instead of "started back" you can just say "started" in secondary school as we know it has already started. You can try to shorten your last 2 lines into 1 sentence.
Para 2 : "Apart from my student life" - cause it's your student life. "I may not look like it" but look like what? Maybe can say you don't look like an athlete instead. "For 11 years since the early age of 12." can just say for 11 years since I was 12.
Para 3 : Looks fine but can shorten also.
Last sentence : seems like a run-on sentence
other than that, all is ok and it was a nice letter to read!
Hi Aziera,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read up on my letter. I will take your feedback and improve on my letter from there. Thank you!
Regards,
Isaac Tan
Hi Isaac, I'm Meng Kiat, noticed that there is a grammatical error in the 3rd sentence of the 2nd paragraph; "Sports definitely helped me cooped..." 'cooped' should be changed to 'coped', as 'cooped' is different word. Other parts of your letter looks okay to me :D
ReplyDeleteDear Isaac,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, detailed letter and the personal sharing. I appreciate the rich content that is well aligned with the assignment brief, the effective way you have organized your thoughts and the good language use.
You've done a fine job providing supporting information for each specific content area, allowing us readers to gain a fairly clear understanding of who you are. I especially like the reference to your sports involvement and how that can inform your values and character. I also appreciate learning about your evolvig interest in engineering but I wonder what you mean when you write "...the process...in the workshop was challenging but definitely rewarding." Which workshop? Was that part of the module?
Overall, this is a well expressed letter, but in the spirit of revising, I'd like you to look at these two sentences as they involve verb forms:
-- Sports definitely helped me cooped with stress... > (wrong form) ?
-- ... to have more confidence in my writing as well as I cannot always rely on other people.... > (lack of parallel structure) ?
I look forward to working with you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Good day Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read through my letters and providing feedback to help me improve my writing. I am glad that you found a liking to my writing and I aim to improve it as much as I can under your guidance.
Best Regards,
Isaac Tan
Thanks, Isaac. The first step in improvement will be revision. Cheers...
Delete